Heretofore, my breastfeeding reading has been limited to articles about how it's the best thing in the world - smarter kid, helps Mom recover from birth, increases immunity, can help the Texans win games - but I haven't spent much time learning about the actual mechanics of the thing. I figured I wouldn't be doing it, so what good is it going to be if I know all about it?
Well, I just spent about 10 minutes reading the Basics of Breastfeeding, and I'm reminded yet again, of how men are the weaker sex. Do you know any man who could nurse? 10 times a day? 15 minutes on each breast? After giving birth?
There would have to be football on t.v. 24 hours a day; no man would ever go back to work after just six weeks, and they'd demand to be paid their full salary for at least six months.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
For the Haters.
It seems that some readers are concerned that I have anger issues, and you say you want me to write about happy things. So in a post of shameless pandering, here are some things, in no particular order, I like about being a dad-to-be:
1. The look of equal parts pity and envy you get from Older Dads whose daughters are mostly grown.
2. Thinking about lazy Sundays working on the hot rod or just laying in the hammock with Number One.
3. Feeling Number One squirm as she tries to find a way out of The Womb.
4. Our Bugaboo Frog.
5. The generally useful and almost always genuine advice you get from other New Parents.
6. Trying to figure out her name.
7. Going through it all with SuperWife - who knows.
8. How if you play with a kid in the neighborhood, everybody says, "Oh, he's going to be such a great dad."
9. Continuing my pre-fatherhood hobby of complaining about miserable junk like Parenting Magazine and "The Expectant Father." What a piece of crap that book is...
1. The look of equal parts pity and envy you get from Older Dads whose daughters are mostly grown.
2. Thinking about lazy Sundays working on the hot rod or just laying in the hammock with Number One.
3. Feeling Number One squirm as she tries to find a way out of The Womb.
4. Our Bugaboo Frog.
5. The generally useful and almost always genuine advice you get from other New Parents.
6. Trying to figure out her name.
7. Going through it all with SuperWife - who knows.
8. How if you play with a kid in the neighborhood, everybody says, "Oh, he's going to be such a great dad."
9. Continuing my pre-fatherhood hobby of complaining about miserable junk like Parenting Magazine and "The Expectant Father." What a piece of crap that book is...
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Parenting. The Magazine.
Where to start with the free copy we received in the mail. How about with the top of the front cover - "What matters to moms."
Last time I checked, "parenting" includes fathers. And, despite the best efforts of certain men to the contrary, "parenting" matters to dads, too.
Let's be honest, Parenting Magazine, you're just a shill for Disney, Pampers and Pantene. Half the articles are about "your beauty update," which I'm pretty sure does not apply to me, and the other half are condescending and degrading to women even as they attempt to pander to them.
SuperWife looks just as beautiful now in her eighth month of pregnancy as she ever has, and you're pushing beauty products on her? No wonder women in this country have body-image issues. Shut up and leave my wife and daughter alone.
And apparently, the new girls' night out includes "knitting" and "cooking" (emphasis in original). Are you fucking kidding me? Knitting and cooking? Did it somehow become 1950 while I wasn't looking?
Not to mention that every time I look at the rag, all I can think about are all the poor kids whose stage moms and dads have decided they want to cash in on their kids semi-cute looks before they get ugly and resentful.
(Given that this is my first rant against the Baby Industrial Complex's anti-dad bias, I think I've now officially joined the ranks of the angry dad bloggers.)
Last time I checked, "parenting" includes fathers. And, despite the best efforts of certain men to the contrary, "parenting" matters to dads, too.
Let's be honest, Parenting Magazine, you're just a shill for Disney, Pampers and Pantene. Half the articles are about "your beauty update," which I'm pretty sure does not apply to me, and the other half are condescending and degrading to women even as they attempt to pander to them.
SuperWife looks just as beautiful now in her eighth month of pregnancy as she ever has, and you're pushing beauty products on her? No wonder women in this country have body-image issues. Shut up and leave my wife and daughter alone.
And apparently, the new girls' night out includes "knitting" and "cooking" (emphasis in original). Are you fucking kidding me? Knitting and cooking? Did it somehow become 1950 while I wasn't looking?
Not to mention that every time I look at the rag, all I can think about are all the poor kids whose stage moms and dads have decided they want to cash in on their kids semi-cute looks before they get ugly and resentful.
(Given that this is my first rant against the Baby Industrial Complex's anti-dad bias, I think I've now officially joined the ranks of the angry dad bloggers.)
Sunday, September 9, 2007
No class.
We went to our basic infant care class yesterday. First of all, I was the only guy there wearing actual shoes. Every other guy there was wearing some sort of sandal. And they didn't all look like hippies. One was even an Aggie that made his wife leave early so they wouldn't miss too much of the game. So close, Fresno State.
Second of all, we suck at swaddling. SuperWife blamed it on the blanket - too big, she said. But I'm pretty sure that we could have had a blanket custom fitted to our little fake baby, and we still wouldn't have got it. We definitely need some swaddling practice before Number One arrives.
And then of course, there was Macho Dad two tables over whose swaddle was so tight you could've bounced a quarter off it. You could tell he took every such challenge as a threat to his masculinity. Congratulations, champ, your swaddles would pass Marine Corps inspection. Now put on some regular shoes.
Other than that class was great. We sat in the back, laughed at the cross-eyed babies in the video and generally acted like delinquents. We're going to be awesome parents.
Second of all, we suck at swaddling. SuperWife blamed it on the blanket - too big, she said. But I'm pretty sure that we could have had a blanket custom fitted to our little fake baby, and we still wouldn't have got it. We definitely need some swaddling practice before Number One arrives.
And then of course, there was Macho Dad two tables over whose swaddle was so tight you could've bounced a quarter off it. You could tell he took every such challenge as a threat to his masculinity. Congratulations, champ, your swaddles would pass Marine Corps inspection. Now put on some regular shoes.
Other than that class was great. We sat in the back, laughed at the cross-eyed babies in the video and generally acted like delinquents. We're going to be awesome parents.
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